


Deep Breath

by paperstalk



Series: Merope's Failure AU [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Not Beta Read, Ron Weasley lacks tact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23563306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperstalk/pseuds/paperstalk
Summary: First year Hermione Granger takes the Hogwarts Express with a plan to make friends with her fellow magicals.How well does a swot's plan go when everyone else already has friends?
Series: Merope's Failure AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676740
Kudos: 30





	Deep Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series exploring an AU where Merope fails to rape Tom Riddle Sr. With no Voldemort, Dumbledore, or Grindelwald, most of her fellow year mates have whole families and don't lack confidence. 
> 
> Without an emphasis on blood politics (no Grindelwald war and no Voldemort war), social and economic class play more of a role in Magical Britain.
> 
> [](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/)

She couldn’t stop the shy smile if she tried. They were all having so much fun together.

The boy with messy hair and glasses seemed to be the leader, well the most confident anyway. The redhead lounging next to him and telling a story about a Fred and George had the two girls across from him giggling madly. And the third boy closest to the door had such a friendly welcoming smile. They were having so much fun, and Hermione predicted that because they were a larger group she wouldn’t be adversely intruding on any intimate ‘best friends only’ bonding time.

_Deep breath Hermione. You can do it. Put yourself out there._

“Hello.”

_Was I loud enough? They didn’t say hello back. Did they hear_

But the group must have heard, because as one, all five of the previously laughing friends turned to stare at her by the door of their compartment. Their faces showed some emotion Hermione couldn’t decipher, _mental note to make it in the mirror later and analyze it further._

“Uh, yes? Can we help you?” asked definitely-the-leader.

“Well, I thought, I mean I was wondering. You all sounded like you were having such a lovely time, I was wondering if I could join you?”

They all glanced away from her and made eyes at each other. It was such a straightforward question. Hermione couldn’t think why they would be confused or uncertain.

But the redhead was very certain “There’s no room in here. Go look for an emptier compartment.”

Hermione looked around at the others who were very quick to look away from her. A crestfallen nod was all she could manage as she turned out into the aisle and rested out of sight near their door.

_Deep breath Granger._

“Ron!” one of the girls hissed. “There’s enough room with you and Harry.”

“Not with that hair! It would’ve smacked me in the face for sure. Should be tied back, honestly.”

A series of titters and throat clearing might have suggested the others were amused but knew they shouldn’t be.

But Hermione Granger didn’t stick around to check.

_Soldier on, Daddy would say. To the future, Mum would advise. Ignore that burn of shame in your gut Hermione Jean, it fades, eventually._

* * *

Many of the compartments were filled with clearly much older students.

One had a group of five boys and there really wasn’t any room there. Two of the boys were great hulking giants even though the three across from them looked to be her age. She paused a moment and heard their heated discussion about something called a Wronski Feint. Hmm, perhaps it was a duelling move she could look up later and have something to talk with them about.

Further along, she stopped outside the door of a compartment with only three young girls inside. None of them were talking and they all seemed to be deeply engrossed in their own activity. They were reading, something Hermione would have in common with them. But they were reading girls’ magazines, something Hermione would not have in common with them. Not that she hadn’t tried, especially when cousin Emily came over, but they were all so boring and inconsequential to what really mattered to her right now. But, she would try.

_Pretend they’re Emily and you want them to like you, which you do you twit, they are probably perfectly lovely friends._ She had barely cleared her throat when a dark haired one looked at her from the corner of her eye and sighed very, very heavily.

“No.”

“No?” Hermione double checked.

A straight on visual appraisal. “No” came a blonde haired assurance.

Well. That was surely a good enough effort for now, right? Right?

Hermione struggled to keep her sniffles under control into the next car, where she reclaimed her seat.

Her seat in an empty compartment. The same empty compartment she had claimed at 11:35 am. Early enough to be in no doubt of catching the train, but late enough to not look a swot. But she was a swot. And the crush of other students didn’t happen until 11:51 ( _honestly how could they stand that suspense_ ).

But she had sat there for fifteen minutes working at looking vaguely disinterested, but very welcoming. She had planned it all out two weeks ago. If you stared out the door at the passersby, most were likely to avoid direct eye contact and pass up her inviting compartment altogether. But if she just looked nice and friendly enough, maybe someone might join her.

No one joined her. Barely anyone even looked at her beyond checking if she was a familiar face. So she had got up some courage and gone to make her friends herself.

As she slunk back into her seat, the dejection felt extra heavy. No one even wanted to share the train journey with her luggage, let alone herself.

_Future on, to the Soldier. Gah, wrong._

_Pull yourself together Hermione._

With one last great sniffle, she struggled to blink her lingering tears into her eyeballs. No use wiping away all that beneficial ocular moisture.

She tried to ignore her confusion. It seemed such a sure thing: make fast friends on this once in a lifetime train journey to a magical school, and enjoy her first year learning everything there was to know. Was it just not guaranteed? Or was she really so off-putting? Given her very similar experiences in primary school, Hermione was trying very hard not to lean toward the logical conclusion that it was connected to her specifically.

Perhaps…Well she had to room with other girls. They would be, maybe at least one of them, would be her friend right? A friendly acquaintance surely.

As this hopeful thought popped up and older student entered. Hermione jumped to attention with a beaming smile.

“Do you mind if I sit here and study? Everywhere is too full and too loud.”

“Please! Of course. I strongly approve of all forms of study and I’m pleased to see there are other students at Hogwarts with a similar disposition. I’m Hermione Granger.”

A heartbeat, then two. Finally, the sandy haired older teen looked up from the book in which he was already immersed.

“I really just came in here to get some uninterrupted reading time, if you don’t mind.”

And back to his book, missing the brief show of mortification cross Hermione’s face. He also missed the slow way her shoulder’s hunched and her lips pressed together.

She grabbed one of the many new unread books from her bag and opened the tome across her lap.

_Gently Hermione, carefully._

_Just forget all that._

_Soldier through this now, friends aren’t a necessity, more of a luxury._

_Study, absorb; for your future._


End file.
